---
title: "What does it mean to honour your father and mother?"
url: "https://seekabove.com/answers/what-is-the-fourth-commandment"
description: "The Fourth Commandment — “honour your father and your mother” — calls us to love, respect, and care for our parents, and by extension to give proper respect to those who hold legitimate authority and…"
published: "2026-06-06"
updated: "2026-06-10"
category: "Christian Life"
scripture: ["Exodus 20:12", "Ephesians 6:1-3", "Sirach 3:1-6", "Colossians 3:20-21", "Mark 7:9-13"]
catechism: "CCC 2197, 2199, 2214–2215, 2217–2218, 2234, 2238, 2242"
---

# What does it mean to honour your father and mother?

## Short answer

The Fourth Commandment — "honour your father and your mother" — calls us to love,
respect, and care for our parents, and by extension to give proper respect to those who
hold legitimate authority and care for us. It also reminds parents and leaders that
authority is for *service*, not domination. It's the hinge between loving God and loving
the people closest to us.

## Full explanation

After the first three commandments, which order us toward God, the Fourth turns to other
people — and it starts, tellingly, with the family, the first community any of us know.
It's the only commandment that comes with a promise attached: honour your parents "so
that your days may be long." God ties our flourishing to how we treat those who gave us
life.

**For children**, honouring parents means love, gratitude, and respect. While young and
under their care, it includes obedience in all that is good. As we grow, the form
changes: adult children aren't bound to obey parents as a child would, but the *honour*
remains — respect, gratitude, and especially care for parents in their old age, illness,
or need. Jesus sharply rebuked people who used religious excuses to dodge caring for their
aging parents. Looking after those who once looked after us is at the heart of this
commandment.

**For parents** (and the commandment implies their duties too), authority is a
responsibility, not a privilege. Parents are called to love their children, provide for
them, and especially to be their first teachers in the faith and in goodness — by example
more than lecture. The home is where a person first learns whether love and authority can
be trusted.

The commandment **extends outward** as well. The respect owed to parents becomes the model
for proper respect toward others who hold legitimate authority and serve the common good —
teachers, employers, civil leaders, the lawful community. Citizens have real duties:
contributing to society, paying just taxes, participating in public life, loving their
country.

But this respect is **not unconditional obedience.** The Church is clear that we must
obey God rather than human authority whenever the two conflict: if a parent, boss, or
government commands something genuinely evil or contrary to God's law, we are not only
permitted but *obligated* to refuse. Authority is legitimate only when it serves the good;
it is never a licence to demand sin. Honour, yes; blind submission, no.

## Why this matters

How we treat the people we owe the most — parents, family, those who've cared for us — is
a deep test of character, and a society that abandons its elderly or treats family as
disposable is in trouble. At the same time, grounding all authority in service, and
limiting it by God's law, both dignifies legitimate authority and guards against tyranny.
This one commandment quietly shapes families, workplaces, and nations.

## Common misunderstanding

One misunderstanding is that "honour your parents" demands lifelong, unconditional
obedience, even into adulthood or even when commanded to do wrong. It doesn't — adult
honour is respect and care, not childlike obedience, and no authority may be obeyed in
doing evil. The opposite mistake dismisses the commandment as outdated; in fact its call
to honour, gratitude, and care for parents and elders is as urgent as ever.

## Scripture connections

- **Exodus 20:12** — "honour your father and your mother," with the promise of long life.
- **Ephesians 6:1-3** — children obey and honour parents; the "first commandment with a
  promise."
- **Sirach 3:1-6** — honouring one's parents, especially in their old age, brings
  blessing.
- **Colossians 3:20-21** — children obey parents, *and* parents not provoke their
  children, balancing both duties.
- **Mark 7:9-13** — Jesus condemns using religious pretexts to avoid caring for one's
  parents.

## Church teaching references

- CCC 2197, 2199, 2214, 2215, 2217, 2218, 2234, 2238, 2242
- The Catechism treats the Fourth Commandment as honour and care within the family,
  extended to legitimate authority, with the duty to disobey what is contrary to God's
  law.

## Reflection question

Is there a parent, elder, or family member you've neglected to honour — through distance,
resentment, or simply busyness — and what is one concrete way you could show them care
this week?