How Could There Be So Much Suffering in One Family?

Summary

A father shares the testimony of a family marked by an extraordinary amount of suffering — a son with cerebral palsy, a daughter who survived a massive stroke, a fifth child born with spina bifida, and finally his wife’s death from stage-four cancer. Through each crisis he keeps returning to the question every suffering person asks: “Where are you, God, in all of this?” His answer is not an explanation of pain but a place to stand: Christ is not a distant spectator but is present on the other side of every cross we carry, suffering with us and leading us through death into resurrection.

Key Points

A family that wanted joyful chaos

• Dave and his wife Amber dreamed of a large family and the happy chaos of raising many children.
• Their first son arrived and everything seemed to be going according to plan.
• The story is framed by a text from a friend battling cancer who asked Dave how he keeps his faith through suffering — a question he prayed over for an hour before answering.

The first experience of the cross

• Their second son, Max, was born two months early; a one-month ultrasound revealed severe brain damage and the doctors told them to prepare for cerebral palsy.
• This was the first time Dave felt the weight of the cross, watching his son unable to do what his brother could, and feeling far from God.
• The recurring cry began here: “Where are you in all of this?”

A daughter’s stroke

• Their daughter Josie, healthy and adored by her older brothers, suddenly could not hold a spoon in her right hand at one year old; her right side had slumped.
• At Children’s Hospital she was found to have suffered a massive stroke, with high risk of another.
• After a priest friend prayed with her, her right side came back to life and she recovered — but tests revealed a genetic disorder that put her at high risk of another stroke from even a small bump until around age five.

Surviving by handing the children back to God

• Amber struggled deeply and asked Dave how he was surviving.
• His practice was to give Josie back to God each morning: she is more God’s than his, loved by God even more than by her own father, entrusted to him “just for this day.”
• Dave notes this is something every parent should do daily, whether or not their child is sick.

“As if you won Powerball three times”

• Years later, while expecting their fifth child, Louisa, an ultrasound revealed spina bifida with an inoperable hole in her spine and genetic issues.
• Doctors searched hard for a genetic link tying the three conditions together and found none.
• One doctor told them the odds of all this happening to one family were like winning Powerball three times — a callous-sounding remark that nonetheless drove home how staggering their situation was.

Amber’s cancer

• Dave noticed Amber losing weight for no clear reason and convinced her to see a doctor; the diagnosis was stage-four cancer with possibly only weeks or months to live.
• Over four years her illness was a roller coaster — nearly beating it, then becoming chemo-resistant and relapsing.
• Through it all they assigned an intention to every pain and sacrifice, “offering it up,” which kept Amber sane and close to Christ on the cross.

A beautiful Christmas and a holy death

• Right before Christmas, in great pain, Amber chose to stay home for one last Christmas with the children rather than go to the hospital.
• The day after Christmas, tests showed the cancer was everywhere; Dave had to stop searching for trial drugs and instead prepare his wife for her eternal home.
• In her final days the hospital became “family” — praying the rosary, evangelizing, sharing lucid and joyful moments — until Amber died on February 23rd, 2023.

Where God actually is

• Because they believe in the bodily resurrection, there was no doubt where Amber was going; a fellow patient noticed they were “always laughing” and Dave explained it was because they knew her true home.
• The core message: we tend to imagine God up in the clouds, looking down and showering graces from a distance.
• The truth Dave offers is that God is on the other side of the cross you bear — not watching like a spectator but experiencing the pain with you.
• Entering into Christ’s crucifixion and suffering is the way into his heart, and through that death we find resurrection and new life.
• Looking back at the moments he felt most abandoned, Dave is convinced God was in fact closest of all.

Notable Quotes

“This is a valley of tears.” — a traditional Christian description of earthly life, echoed throughout the testimony

“God, Josie is more yours than mine. You love her more than I do. I’m just going to give her to you for this day and trust in you.” — Dave’s daily prayer of surrender